I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
