i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Alive.
So much puke
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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