We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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