i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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