i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
