Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my sisters under your porch take her home
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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