Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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