And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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