I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
