i don't like sucking hair
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
