who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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