I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
