so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
