I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
