i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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