what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
