I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
