I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
how does that bad decision feel?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
