I wish my penis had an off switch
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
