What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize