Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I believe in your delicious
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
