K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
