just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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