so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
