We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize