how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
