Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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