walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize