we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize