So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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