Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
