so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
