Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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