The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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