Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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