so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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