boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
