So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
