i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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