We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
