i think my tv is drunk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
tell me about the eggs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
