Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to make a zoo with you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
