i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
