just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
