wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
