I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
