there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
