you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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