Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
