I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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