just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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