I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
