i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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