It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
