just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
