It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
