I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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