i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
