I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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