do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize