I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
