In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
