I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
