So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
