I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
