I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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