i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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