I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
